Crime outbreak in Laurel! Thank God most of it isn't in Howard County. Because nothing bad ever happens in Howard County.
So a guy wearing a "fake Santa beard" robbed the PNC Bank in Laurel several days ago. Well, thank goodness it wasn't a real Santa beard! Because Santa would take this loser's gifts away for life. Kevin Rector had the unfortunate task of writing this article about it. Not sure why he just didn't take the option of applying a melon baller to his tongue.
However, Fox News's favorite high-functioning moron, Megyn Kelly, and her sycophants must be thrilled. Why? Well, look at the picture! Santa who robs banks is black! The real Santa, therefore, would never rob a bank. Because we have established through the "fake Santa beard" that this fake beard equals black guy wearing Santa beard equals black Santa equals not real Santa. Therefore, Santa must be white, correct? And is "Megyn" the longest word in which Y is a vowel?
So now we have established that Santa is unequivocally white, correct!?
Silly, silly, Megyn White and her followers. Santa knows no color. No white, black, brown, yellow, red, green, blue or polka dotted. Santa is simply the spirit of the season. And the spirit of the season isn't to be a jackass and rob a bank wearing a cheesy "fake" beard.
Let's be careful out there.